THE 5 MOST DANGEROUS SEX POSITIONS (AND HOW TO DO THEM!)

Here is a couple’s guide to 5 sex positions that will sooner lead to sprained muscles and torn ligaments than to orgasm. I mean what’s more fun than adding some danger to sex…right? I’m not just talking about advanced sex positions. These sex moves are definitely not meant for drunk people, nor are they taught in sex books.
Attempt these moves at your own risk. Feel free to use this on your next one night stand. Who knows, they might turn out to be marriage material.
1. The Body Builder

How To Do This:
This one’s actually fairly common. Start out against a wall, the woman will straddle the man, like a koala bear, and the man will then insert himself into the woman. The wall will provide great leverage at first…until..
What Could Go Wrong:
Sweat. The sweat glands from a woman’s back will inevitably trickle down to her rear, making the main support zone for this position slippery. If in the heat of the moment one of the partners loses their grip, the penis could be bent the wrong way and the woman could suffer serious spine and head injuries.
2. The Triple Lindy

This is a position that takes IMMENSE strength for both parties involved.
The female must have relatively strong abdominal muscles and be able to align her spine with the man’s penis throughout the entire experience. The man must be able to lift the woman to the point of insertion, then settle her lower region comfortably into his thighs while leaning back, using the woman’s front half as balancing weight.
In a sense both genital regions act as a fulcrum. If anyone can do this for more than a few seconds, congratulations, you lift weights 8 times a day.
What Could Go Wrong:
Since the man’s strength is all that is really keeping the woman safe as she is being pleasured while held up and craning her back like she’s a mermaid at the bow of a ship, the worst case scenario would be: man drops woman, woman gets concussion, vagina breaks penis, man’s knees knock the wind out of the woman, making this one of the most daringly dangerous sex positions to do without leaning on anything.
3. The London Bridge

How To Do It:
To start this position, the man must get on all fours, facing upward. If you’ve gotten this far, as a couple, congratulations to the man for being an Olympic gymnast.
Next, the woman must somehow straddle the man without knocking out his legs from under him. It’s a very delicate balance.
Even IF all these conditions were met, the insertion would be impossible without a few different pillows involved, as the man’s middle region will naturally want to bend inward, towards the ground. If someone made this work, then the woman would have to be a LOT lighter than the man, and he would have to have absolutely zero back problems.
What Could Go Wrong:
The pressure of the woman’s body weight, even if she’s Kate Moss, would put such a strain on the man’s wrists and ankles, that (even if he could get to the start position) wouldn’t translate to a finish for anybody unless the woman is both taller (and lighter) than the man.
If the man’s hands slipped and the woman came down with him, the woman’s center of gravity would be sitting at a shock point to the man’s spinal cord if they landed in the right spot, drawing the possibility for intense back injuries, minor pelvic injuries, and a really hurty butt for both parties.
4. The Incline Leg

How To Do It:
Don’t.What Could Go Wrong:
The female will inevitably break the penis if she is on her tippy toes. Which, if you want some honest sex advice, is a real mood killer.
Penises are generally not meant to bend backwards and, in this position, an erect penis would defy the laws of anatomy. Even if this could work, the penis would bend in such a way that the woman’s rear end, as well as the man’s penis itself, if she ever “missed”, to devastate the man’s t*******s.
Even if a couple were able to achieve this comfortably as a legitimate way to find pleasure in one another’s movements, if the female were to slip and fall backwards… game over.

5. A Pair or Tongs

How To Do It:
The man steps over the woman’s leg, holding the other leg up, and enters the woman while she dangles in the air, being held up by only the strength of her stronger arm, G.I.-Jane-style.The man holds the woman as she holds on for dear life.

What Could Go Wrong:
The amount of weight that would be leaning on the man’s left arm in this position would not only drag him down, but would probably strain/pull any of his muscles if this position were attempted for more than about a minute. Kind of like when you carry all the groceries in one hand and decide to brave it until you get to the kitchen… only during sex.

Also, that is not an optimal angle for a man to comfortably wield something that is meant to be parallel to the ground. The man’s penis, and any muscles involved in this position, could be tugged in the wrong direction (left or right) if the woman’s super-strong arm decided to give out at any point, bending the penis to the shape of a horseshoe or picture-frame-corner.